Composing todayapos;s to-do list has been an exercise in self-realization. Not a particularly pleasant one, but as noted previously and even better articulated to me recently, I am not a particularly pleasant woman.
Here it is Saturday, and I must:
*note that passive aggressive blogging is unnecessary at best: I am married to someone who is either far more or far less nuanced than I am, and he simply went and talked to the potential landlord in question with the concerns of the day. No Schadenfreude pie in my future, perhaps, but there will be other occassions.
I am patient, after all.
*Do client billing
*Muster my household into some level of cleanliness for the maternal visit
*Call my woodman to see if heapos;ll be coming by today with the promised wood
*Rue the fact that my chronic need to self-flagellate always goes in such a predictable fashion
*Attempt to discover a way to communicate an essential lack of faith, period. Not faith in the divine, per se, as much as the ability to believe at all. There is nothing as difficult to articulate as an absence of something others take for granted.
Maslow, I think, forever fouled my intellect. And whatever lies beyond intellect: those core motivations, those essential drives that make us who were are.
People have such faith: in other people, in systems, in concepts, in facts. But it is all essentially transient. This will all pass: the wisdom of this day is the foolishness of anotherapos;s. And knowing that, why bother?
Perhaps I misspoke. Perhaps I have faith in abundance. But it is not a bright faith, nor a joyous faith, or a faith that inspires men to move mountains or journey to the mountains that refuse to move themselves.
It is, perhaps, the faith of immediacy and expediency. A selfish creed, a vicious creed, a spiritual acknowledgement that not only in entropy inevitable, it is imminent. That it is only this moment that matters, for there is never a guarantee that there will be another one.
Of course, I am not sure of that, as I am never sure of anything. Perhaps I have faith in questions, in the thought that there is an answer somewhere.
***
So quite a to do list. I think Iapos;ll start with the billing. That, at least, has a chance of being manageable.
deutsche industriebank, cat nose problems, cat nose runny, cat nose turns black from pink, cat nose wet.
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